I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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