the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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