So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
