apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
