Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
