I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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