I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
