no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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