6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
