He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
