My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
