I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
