You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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