Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
