I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
