Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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