Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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