After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
