She said her name was "party"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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