Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
