I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
