Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
