Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
