ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
