they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
