He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
