Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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