i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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