i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
