Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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