Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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