i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
