last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
