so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
