New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
