remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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