tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
