so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
