whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
