I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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