That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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