ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
