do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
