I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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