My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
