I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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