I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
