i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
