We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
