His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
