So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
