OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
