haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
