Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
